i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Where is the hickey?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
