Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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