Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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