He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
