Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
