If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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