i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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