Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
