she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
