You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
