Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
