She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize