Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
