UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize