You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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