I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
