your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
