mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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