after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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