ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
