she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize