i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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