ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
