I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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