Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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