He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
