what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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