Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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