Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
