I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
