is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
