Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
