I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
