they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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