i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im six kinds of drunk right now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
