Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm passing your future prison.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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