i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
