I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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