You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
