I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
