2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
