i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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