Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
