dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
