I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
