Michael Bay diarrhea
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
