when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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