It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
