I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
