Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
