Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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