Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize