Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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