that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
