Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I only lived at night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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