I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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