Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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