The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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