well most of my day revolves around power hour
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
