And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
