The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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