Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
