dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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