turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
