guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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