Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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