Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my being single is dangerous.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
