btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
