I heard we made out
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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