More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize